I try so hard to hide my pain, worry, and anxiety. It’s bottled up and shoved way done and hidden where no one can see. Like a double agent I go through life as if nothing is wrong, my life is wonderful and my family is healthy and strong. Sometimes I feel that weight  as it slowly eats away at me, that twinge of pain or heaviness as it tries so hard to break free. I know it’s not healthy to keep it inside but just like our children who have mastered the lie, I fear if I let it out for all to see the shame, stigma, and ridicule will be directed at me. This road that we travel is not for meek, it’s filled with much heartache and tortuous pain that devastates families and can drive you insane. Even when you find the strenght to finally bare your soul you never lose that small inner voice that always wants to speak, you can tune it out and ignore it and go on about your day, but you know in your heart it will always be there because a mother’s instinct is hear to stay.