A NJ family breaks the stigma with heartfelt eulogy

My family and I could not have gotten through this week without the continuous love and support from our family and friends. For all the cards, texts, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls, and visits, we thank you.

It is time that we broke the stigma that has been connected to drug abuse and mental health. If you or someone you love is struggling with a chemical dependency or mental health issue, please seek help.

Many people have urged me to make public the eulogy that I read at my brother’s funeral. If we can reach even one person, then we will have accomplished our goal.
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First and foremost, my family and I would like to thank all of our friends and family who have shown us overwhelming love and support throughout this extremely difficult time. Many people traveled great distances to be here to show their love to us and to my brother, and for that, we are forever grateful. My family and I would also like to thank the Wilmington police and fire departments. The care and concern that they showed to, not just my family, but specifically my mother, was nothing less than professional and truly kind. And to all of you, we are thankful.

Tim. There are certain words that come to mind when I think of you. Loving. Silly. Charismatic. Funny. Flirtatious. Mischievous. Deeply sensitive. Family orientated. Helping. But I keep coming back to loving. I don’t think that there is anyone here who could possibly disagree with me. Timmy was nothing less than a respectful gentleman who cared more for others than he ever cared for himself. He was truly selfless. At the core of his heart, he put all others before himself.

However, Timmy fought a battle that changed him. He fought a continuous battle against himself. He became a person that he did not want to be. He lost touch of that selfless, funny, giving person, that we all knew he was; that he knew he was. This disease turned him into a person that he did not want to be. He was not happy with himself when he was using. He did not like the person he became when the drug entered into him. But he could not control it. He tried his best, but this disease got the best of him. All he ever wanted to do was help others, but he could not do enough to simply help himself.

The best thing that we can do to honor Timmy’s memory is to remember the good times that we all had. Growing up, we had so much fun. Whether it was our summers in Hull, or our trips to Myrtle Beach, we had too much fun. We grew up as very lucky and privileged children. And Timmy and I both knew that. We were very grateful for what we had. We got to take ski trips, vacations to Disney, weekends in York, Maine or Cape Cod, and trips to the Bronx to visit family. Timmy once got the chance to visit me at college, and we had a GREAT time. Too good of a time. And that is a memory that I will forever cherish. Needless to say, we grew up in a healthy and loving household, with a large extended family, that we loved and that loved us. We wanted for nothing. And this is something that I hope my parents and family will forever remember.

Addiction is a terrible disease. It does not discriminate. It shows no mercy. It can come upon someone within the blink of an eye. And then it creep upon someone over the course of years. There is no definite cause. But there is a definite cure. The only cure to addiction is simply to stop. Just stop. And that will guarantee success. But the part of addiction that is so hard to grasp are the physical and psychological holds that it takes on its victims. Every addict knows what to do in order to beat this disease. The cure is simple. The cure is to stop. But the cure cannot be provided in a hospital or from a pharmacy. And that is what makes addiction a disease unlike anything else. However, I think that the true cures to addiction can be found within. The true cures to addiction are love, support, faith, awareness, and hope. We need to change the way we treat addiction and mental health. We need more love, support, faith, awareness, and hope.

As I stand here before you today, most of you know that Tim and I had a very strained relationship over the last few years. But it was the addiction that I hated, not my brother. With love, we can keep Tim’s memory and spirit alive. With support, my family and I will overcome this terrible tragedy. With faith, we know that Tim will be smiling down upon us and no longer hurting. With awareness, we can educate ourselves, friends, and families on the truth behind addiction. And with hope, with just an ounce of hope, anyone struggling with addiction or mental health issues can get the help they need, and beat this nasty disease that took my baby brother’s life too soon. If you or someone you love is suffering from addiction or mental illness, please seek help. It’s never too late, until it’s too late. Tim, may you forever rest in peace. You no longer have to fight. Look over us. We love you.

With permission Scott Brady- You and your family are in our prayers, as is Tim. Thank you for sharing.

About Magnolia Beginnings

Just when you think you have it all down it changes again or... “Reshaping life! People who can say that have never understood a thing about life—they have never felt its breath, its heartbeat—however much they have seen or done. They look on it as a lump of raw material that needs to be processed by them, to be ennobled by their touch. But life is never a material, a substance to be molded. If you want to know, life is the principle of self-renewal, it is constantly renewing and remaking and changing and transfiguring itself, it is infinitely beyond your or my obtuse theories about it.” ― Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago
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